what was he thinking?

recently as i was enjoying a plateful of sopes at my new favorite mexican food restaurant (Esperanza's on Park Place and 8th in Fort Worth), i glanced over to see a young man wearing a t-shirt that read "BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS" on the back. i thought, wow i really like that and began to wonder what the front of the shirt said, as his back was to me the entire meal. as he got up to leave, he turned to reveal a Police Department logo on the front of his shirt. the shirt seemed to be created to honor fallen officers as the logo included a black stripe. i wondered, was this what Jesus was thinking when he shared this with the crowds? was he referring to this type of "keeping the peace?" i am certainly not implying that we should refrain from remembering those who have fallen in the line of duty as soldiers or that police officers or that officers should not be thanked for the countless hours they spend serving and protecting our communities. i am simply asking for your opinion regarding the use of this particular teaching of Christ's in relation to this line of work? is this mixing empire and christianity?

the possible...

"The possible's slow fuse is lit by the imagination." - Emily Dickinson

"What if Starbucks marketed like the Church?" from beyondrelevance.com

celebrity endorsement

not a food critic by any means but here are a couple of "celebrity endorsements" of two great Funkytown eateries:

recently re-visited my favorite sweet spot in Fort Worth: The Cupcake Cottage. Judge me how you will but there are deeper reasons to why i love this sweet shack other than the creamy, homemade frosting. If you hit their website: http://www.thecupcakecottage.com/ you'll see that they set out a menu in advance, take reservations, and close when they are sold out of inventory. by turning their backs on mass-production and extended hours, they avoid over-production and waste. if you follow their guidelines, you can get what you want when you want it. though i find it more fun to take a chance and see what's available when you get there, that choice does come with the possibility that you may miss out altogether if you get there too late. regardless, check out these responsible purveyors of the sweet stuff in Fort Worth.

on the same note, if you haven't stopped by Spiral Diner at either their Fort Worth or Oak Cliff locations, you are really missing out on the most compelling reason to go vegan: their menu. the ate-layer burrito, bbq samwich, and the big ol burrito are a few of my favorites. also, start out with the hummus and finish up with anything from the desert tray. visit their website at http://www.spiraldiner.com/.

i wonder...

on february 1st, will we still be embroiled in whether or not Obama is a Muslim, waiting for his college roommates or financial supporters to come out of the woodwork and take over the u.s. or will we be holding prayer meetings for John McCain's health? will anyone have made a connection between ayers, acorn and Obama? will anyone have any better of an idea about who ayers and acorn really are? will we be dealing with a continually declining economy by protecting our own interests and stuff or will we pull out of this downward spiral together by joining together and sharing our resources with those in need? will big corporations and those most responsible for our economic downturn be receiving another bailout or will they be held responsible by those in power to repent for their sin? will anybody be able to afford healthcare? will we finally give up trying to build up financial portfolios and 401(k)s? will christianity still be interested in building empire? will conservative christians still brandish fear and anxiety-fueled classism and racism under the auspices of faith? will liberal christians still be calling for government to assist faith-based community service programs? will roe v. wade still be in place? will anyone be concerned with the items that seem to be taking up most of our time right now? who knows? for me, this is a perfect example of three undeniable truths:

1. the rest of the world hates us and rightly so.
2. we are not in the matrix, banal junk like elections and economic downturn doesn't happen in the matrix.
3. germans love david hasselhoff.

lets get politico...

okay, i don't like to use this forum to air my political propensities and leanings but i feel compelled to offer some observations as we round the turn towards november 4th. of foremost importance, i will be thrilled to see leadership change hands from the current misguided and misdirected administration to someone with some spark and energy. that being said, after watching debates, speeches, and ads the difference between the two candidates is not as striking as they would have you believe. both parties WILL RAISE YOUR TAXES. do not deceive yourself into thinking that one party or the other will reduce or cut taxes to a point that will make life more than bearable for all americans, they will both raise your taxes. next, the amount of real change that either party will be able to bring to washington will be minimal at best. not much changes in washington and, for the most part, the american people like it that way. massive shifts in ideology or political philosophy would cause upheaval and change and people, as a whole, do not like change. the best the new administration can accomplish will be, as the guards on the green mile can, to keep people as calm as possible as they move along in life. i am certainly not advocating that you not vote, PLEASE VOTE. but vote in an informed manner. that means finding out what both candidates really stand for (if that is even possible) and allowing yourself to vote according to what is really of vital importance to you.

one thing that may seem partisan but i feel compelled to share is the seeming apprehension towards anything "intellectual." what does it say about our culture when those who appear educated and informed are looked at with skepticism and fear? why is someone who seemingly lacks the ability to communicate effectively always a victim of "the liberal media?" what attracts a voter to someone who proclaims to know joe and sally six-pack while appearances would certainly indicate that they are completely out of touch with a large portion of that demographic. i want leaders who will be who they are, not attempt to be folksy or down-to-earth in order to win my vote. as a recent bumper sticker i read stated, "i want a smart president this time." that is not to say that our current president or his administration is un-educated or stupid, it is to say look at where down-home, folksy, fireside wisdom has gotten us over the last eight years. we have become more isolated in our ability to connect with those nations who were previously allies and in our ability to remain trusted amongst world powers.

vote with your heart, head, and hands. do not be duped to believe hype that is certainly designed to misguide you.

watch this and make your ears bleed!

These guys rock!
Check them out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8

Thanks to Reverend Meredith Bell for bringing this to my attention.

new tattoo and blog to check out

rockin my new ink after wife and i got a wild hair (w/o the young one around) to get inked together, her first my second. also wanted to pass on a blog to you from friends living together in the hemphill area of fort worth in a community called tolstoy house. one member off in oregon learning to garden and live sustainably off the grid. the link to the site is here http://www.tolstoyhouse.com/ check it out when you get a chance. they are looking for assistance in the form of a relational tithe from those who are seeking to build the kingdom by serving others. peace to you my friends.

13 days later...

So since my last post, I attended an event sponsored by the Central Texas Conference of the United Methodist Church called "Missing: Young Adults" that focused on one of the missing demographic groups within area United Methodist congregations and offer local congregations ideas/strategies/information to reach a generation of adults who have grown up with a negative image of Christianity. The keynote speaker was David Kinnaman, President of the Barna Research Group and one of the authors of the recent book, unChristian. Getting to spend time with presenters, friends, and with Kinnaman himself offered some great insights into how, as a young adult with a negative image of Christianity, I can work with and within the church to reach other "outsiders" who share this idea.

During one of the presentations, a speaker noted that United Methodism finds it roots in the minds of two young adults (brothers, in fact) who also saw the church they were a part of missing opportunities to reach the "outsiders" of their day. For me, this was a real "a-ha" moment that raised so many different ideas that I plan to post about over the next couple of weeks. I encourage you to visit www.yasummit.com to see a list of the speakers involved and some resources available to include young adults in the ministry of your congregation.

vitame vas na!

wanted to use this opportunity to say a huge thank you to all the people of West, Texas for another fine WestFest. this year was filled with the same polka, pivo, pastries, and people that make this one of the premiere summer festivals (and my favorite summer activity next to hanging on beautiful lake Whitney) of central/hill country Texas. Brave Combo and Polka Freak Out rocked again under the tent and the people were colorful and friendly as usual. for anyone looking for some good clean labor day fun in 2009, i highly recommend this end of summer, family-friendly festival that takes place over labor day weekend each year. special thanks to Sarah and Jeff McCormick for making it our third annual WestFest together. check for pics on facebook soon! until next labor day, "Jak Se Mas!"

new simpsons character unveiled

Dorothy Day and The Catholic Worker

realize i've already posted on Dorothy Day and possibly The Catholic Worker, but am continuing to read more and more about Day, her counterpart Peter Maurin, those that were influenced by their work, and those who influenced their work.  strongly recommend that you pick up something (even if it is just the wikipedia post about Day, Maurin, or Catholic Worker movement) and read it.  remiss that i had not picked up something about this sooner. 

Day, Maurin, and the Catholic Worker paper/movement have influenced many in the neo-monastic movement and should inspire all of us, regardless of religion, denomination, or belief system to live a more genuine, authentic, holistic, agrarian lifestyle.  

if Day not your cup of tea, read Wendell Berry, whom i've also written about before.  

moving back into youth ministry

sorry haven't posted in a while, been busy working on multiple items and small projects.  recently said yes to exciting new opportunity with local UMC to foray back into youth ministry.  looking to provide something new and different with this endeavor, not just the run-of-the-mill programs, singing kum-by-yah and day trips to six flags (though six flags will most likely be in the mix there somewhere).  would really like to work at strengthening our faith together as we ask the good, tough questions of faith and challenge each other to live holistically (as individuals and as a community) as we experience the love and grace of God through Jesus Christ.  please pray for congregation, youth, and me as we enter into this new endeavor together.  

Just Say Whoa!

Recently, concerned citizens and residents of prominent and not-so-prominent Fort Worth neighborhoods have joined together to ask the city to take a step back and look at the long-term effects of urban drilling for natural gas. I personally think that it is worth the wait as well, looking at environmental effects (especially to human health and groundwater) and long-term economical effects rather than just cashing in and looking at the short-term. Full story here: 

http://cbs11tv.com/local/Fort.Worth.Drilling.2.790366.html

From Richard Rohr's "Job and the Mystery of Suffering"

"God loves us so perfectly, God lets us be the heroes. God lets us wrestle with the angel of Yahweh, lets us struggle with God and win. When we try to let go and give our life to God, God gives it back to us. Should we be surprised? That's what love does. That's the only thing you can get excited about when you're in love--giving your life to the other and seeing enjoyment in the other. That's the union toward which God is calling us. The lover delighting in the beloved and the beloved delighting in the lover."

"The Church Obeyed and Challenged"

"The church is a whore, but she is my mother." 

- attributed to St. Augustine

Just finished reading Robert Coles' autobiography of Dorothy Day before I embark upon reading Day's own account of her life, The Long Loneliness.  Coles transcribes tape recorded conversations he had with her before her death in 1980 along with historical information from other texts (including Loneliness and other works by and about Day) as well as his own observations about her life from a psychological perspective to provide the content for the book.  The result is an engaging introspection of Day as she reflects on her life and the impact that it made on the spiritual and political landscape of twentieth-century America.  

In the chapter entitled "The Church Obeyed and Challenged", Coles engages Day regarding her choice to become Catholic and the struggle between her own spirituality, sense of social justice, and the often dogmatic and hierarchical nature of the Roman Catholic Church that seemed, at times, to neglect the plight of the working class in America and in other countries.  Day shares candidly the cost of her decision to become a Catholic among the intellectual crowd that populated her early life and her struggle with the seeming disconnect between her strong sense of social justice and the actual interests and actions of the Catholic Church.  In this chapter and throughout the book, her stories and struggles remind me that the church (Catholic, Protestant, or otherwise) often falls short to hear the words of Christ and share God's love and grace with the those on the margins.  Throughout it all, Day reflects, she holds fast to the fact that the church of Jesus Christ is not infallible and perfect, that it is an institution in constant need of a healthy dose of encouragement and challenge, in need of sinners as well as saints to complete its work in service to the world.  In reading this chapter, I am reminded of the above quote attributed to St. Augustine but also of St. Augustine's life, especially his youth and younger years spent in search of an experience, relationship, ideology, philosophy, or theology to assist him in making meaning of the world around him.  Day spends most of her youth searching for some of the same meaning, with a smaller dose of the licentiousness of St. Augustine and a larger dose of Socialism, Marxism, and 1920s and 30s American East Coast intellectual humanism.    

Looking over this past year and my reading of Sara Miles Take This Bread, along with Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove's New Monasticism and School(s) of Conversion, along with my monastery experience and other formative experiences working within and alongside the church, it is fitting to be reading Day (an author whose life and actions certainly influence those writers, thinkers, theologians, and friends I have come in contact with over the last year) at this time.  I strongly recommend Coles' biography (whose official title is Dorothy Day: A Radical Devotion) as well as The Long Loneliness  to any interested in reading about an inspirational and influential figure on the American twenty-first-century spiritual landscape.        

Window Decal Reveals Something More

Driving behind a truck today that had a window decal that read "Jesus is Whatever You Need."  At first I thought, "Well that is one way to look at it."  But then, as my morning went on, it continued to play over and over again in my head.  This decal that I wanted to quickly dismiss would not get out of my head.  I wanted to dismiss it because I supposed it was saying that Jesus is whatever you want Jesus to be, a kind of turn on the gospel of prosperity or the gospel of me.  But I began to think that there might be some validity to what it says.  It doesn't say Jesus is whatever you want, it says need.  There is a chasm of difference between want and need.  I would venture a guess from watching TV and reading the newspaper that it seems the world wants a Jesus who pats us on the back and tells us everything is alright we have more than most, that the world really centers solely upon us and our needs while supplying us with anything our heart desires.  Jesus is instead whatever we need: food for the hungry, drink for the thirsty, a message of hope for the hopeless, a challenge for the comfortable and lazy.  Sometimes this is support and guidance and sometimes its just a good square kick in the ass, getting us out of our seats and putting us to action, to living out our faith in God through Christ by feeding of the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and in prison, and so on.  Jesus, as the window decal says, may very well be whatever we truly need.

Peace

Sorry haven't posted in a while, been busying finishing up paper on monastery experience and playing single dad for a week.  Thought this quote on peace would be apropos for the week.  Will post again soon.  

"Perhaps peace is not, after all, something you work for, or ‘fight for.’ It is indeed ‘fighting for peace’ that starts all the wars. Peace is something you have or do not have. If you are yourself at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world. Then share your peace with everyone, and everyone will be at peace."

Thomas Merton, from Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander

Strange Tale of Donald Crowhurst

I recently caught Deep Water, the Donald Crowhurst biopic on PBS. It tells the story of Crowhurst, a British businessman and amateur sailor who died while competing in the Sunday Times Golden Globe Race, a single-handed, round-the-world yacht race. Crowhurst had entered the race in hopes of winning a cash prize from the Sunday Times. Instead, it is believed that he encountered difficulty early in the voyage, and secretly abandoned the race while reporting false positions, in an attempt to appear to complete a circumnavigation without actually circling the world. His boat, Teignmouth Electron, was found without him on board as well as sailing logs (believed to have been doctored) and personal journals of his experience.  The readings from the journals, that frame testimony from friends and family as well as news and personal film footage of Crowhurst and family, are especially haunting. 

I have previously blogged about my fondness for the book and recent movie Into the Wild, which tells the story of Chris McCandless, a young man who abandoned his life and travelled to Alaska on foot to find himself, only to lose his life in the process.  As I was watching Deep Water, I could not help but see some similarities between Crowhurst and McCandless.  Unlike McCandless, however, Crowhurst's story is much darker, involving deception, mental breakdown, and possible suicide.  McCandless sought to escape from the world by taking on the wilds of Alaska and ended up dying in the process, most likely from malnutrition, the mis-identification of an edible plant or a combination of both. Crowhurst sought notoriety and the spotlight in the race of a lifetime and died in the process. But similarities are present including the underestimation of both men regarding the effects of a solitary lifestyle on the human psyche, as well as the inherent danger in tackling creation or something wild on one's own terms.  Both men greatly underestimated the risks of facing the wild on their own.  Both were warned of the harsh realities of what they were about to undertake and both were given grim odds at the undertaking by observers and experts.  The stories of both men are, in the end, heart-breaking.  Especially heartbreaking was the testimony of family and friends who explained the residual impact of Crowhurst's attempt at deception and subsequent death on their own lives.     

ontological or functional?

on·to·log·i·cal (ŏn'tə-lŏj'ĭ-kəl)  adj.  

1.    Of or relating to ontology.

2.    Of or relating to essence or the nature of being.

3. Of or relating to the argument for the existence of God holding that the existence of the concept of God entails the existence of God.

func·tion·al (fŭngk'shə-nəl)  adj.  

1.    a. Of or relating to a function.

            b. Of, relating to, or indicating a mathematical function or functions.

2.    Designed for or adapted to a particular function or use: functional architecture.

3.    Capable of performing; operative: a functional set of brakes.

4.    Pathology Involving functions rather than a physiological or structural cause.

from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 25 Jun. 2008

As I have continued on the quest to discern my own calling into ordained ministry, I have had the opportunity to dialogue with others within the United Methodist tradition and other Christian traditions about their understanding and call to ministry with the church of Jesus Christ.  Recently, during a course I was taking on monastic spirituality, a fellow student (and fellow United Methodist) asked one of the monks when they had felt "the call" into monastic life.  His response was "when the sperm hit the egg, I guess."  This garnered  further discussion that led to some narrowing down the term "calling" into two categories: functional, as in receiving a "call from God to serve" (or towards some action) in ministry and ontological, as in God made me a minister/pastor/priest. I found this to be intriguing in that I have often felt, in the midst of a tradition that places great emphasis in one's "call story" during the process for an ordained ministry whose orders are defined by what they do, that I am ontologically called to minister with the church of Jesus Christ.  In other words, this is who God made me to be.  That may seem odd coming from someone with such an open theism as myself but I do believe I was made to minister, that my life has led to this path rather than been altered or diverted through some cosmic, spiritual experience in which I heard the voice of God calling me in a different direction. Though I don't believe the two to be mutually exclusive, I do feel, as I read literature re: the order of Deacon within the United Methodist tradition, I have been equipped to serve (there's that word again) in this role all along.  Still working through some of this and would love to hear your thoughts or how you might have struggled with this.     

Litany for Non-Violence

Check out a prayer that I picked up at St. Gregory's, been using each morning this week and find extremely helpful in centering and focusing my prayer for peace.  Posted link so you can explore the entire Sisters of Providence website as well.  May it add blessing to your life.  

http://www.sistersofprovidence.org/cgi-bin/site.pl?3208&dwContent_contentID=254

Yeti no more

Shaved my beard and cut my hair yesterday.  Had been growing for nine months, so the whole experience was as close as I come in my life to gestation and birthing something.  Feel lighter and a whole lot cooler.  Feel, however, that something missing (like my chin) so let June 23rd, 2008 be set as the new first day back to full growth.  It should be an interesting nine months.  If you see me in the meantime, please do not point and laugh.  

Don't really know why I as growing it out.  Many people assumed I was protesting something or making a point with my beard.  Honestly, I just got tired of shaving on a daily basis.  In the end, I think that I grew out my hair and beard to make the statement that I no longer care what anyone else thinks of me.  In my recent trip to St. Gregory's Abbey, looked over some of the sayings of the Desert Fathers.  One of them stated that a holy man who had been in silence for years was alerted that an important person wanted to hear from him.  The holy man's response was that if the person could not hear their silence, they would not be able to hear his words.  I guess my philosophy was, then, if you couldn't accept me hairy, you won't be able to accept me clean-shaven.  My wife, however, is remarkably happy with my clean cheeks, my clean upper lip, and the ability to see the back of my neck.   

Life in a Benedictine Monastery

"Lord our God, through Your loving kindness, 

hear and answer our prayers

as they rise to You in this offering.

Through Your saints, Benedict and Scholastica,

You have called many to the school of Your service.

We ask that many other men and women, throughout the world, 

would hear and answer Your call in our monastic way of life, 

especially here at St. Gregory's Abbey.

Grant each of us the gift of holy perseverance-that we may prefer nothing to Your love.

This we ask through Christ our Lord.  Amen."

-Prayer for Vocations, recited at the conclusion of Vespers-

After spending the past week at St. Gregory's Abbey in Shawnee, Oklahoma in fervent prayer and academic focus upon monastic spirituality, it has been a tough couple of days acclimating back to life as usual here in the real world.  It is hard to explain how deeply this experience has impacted me but I will make an attempt.  

First, I came to this experience with the presupposition that one would pursue monastic community b/c of one's inability to function in everyday society and culture without being succumb to temptation and sin.  In reality, those that seek monastic community are not fleeing the world but seeking to live amongst the world, praying for its salvation and working to establish connection with those outside of the monastery.  Second, I believed that a disciplined, order life vowed to obedience would be limiting and confining, not allowing one to make one's own decisions and choose one's direction.  How many of us are really in charge of our own life anyway?  In monastic community, I found that authority and obedience are channels for creativity, allowing one to determine how one will live out their vow to engage the world with work and prayer (ora et labora) in ways that are authentic to who God has created them to be.  The monks did not see their direction to the monastic way of life as a "call", like so many of us who are Protestant.  They expressed their observation that God had created them for this life, fulfilling an ontological rather than a functional call to a particular way of life.  Third, I understood that a monastic community was engaged in prayer for the world primarily and work secondarily.  However, after engaging with the monks of this community, I realized that the community views its work and its prayer as engaging the world in a real and deeply impacting manner.  Their praying of the Psalms and the Daily Offices and their work is not just to give them something else to do and strictly for the benefit of each other.  They understood that when they got together to pray, all around the world others were gathering to pray the exact same word, asking for the salvation of all creation and not just their little community.  

Likewise, these observations leaked heavily into my own life.  In my own practice of spiritual disciplines or practices, I was not simply engaging in some work that pleases God or sounds good to my own ears.  I am not fasting, praying, and engaging in Lectio Divina so that God is happy or I can gloat about my own piety amongst others.  I am engaging in acts of denial, denying the use of my time solely to my own purposes and goals and to the purposes and goals of God.  I am engaging in practices that others around the world are engaging in for the purpose of praying for the salvation of all of creation.  Also, b/c of my deep interest in the Neo-Monastic movement, discovering what lies at the heart of true monasticism to see how authentic and honest this movement and those engaged in it are to the tradition it seeks to re-present to current culture.  Finally, engaging the monks on an individual level helped me to see beyond the stereotypical view of monks as cloistered, sinless, holy men huddled in the desert contemplating God silently.   I met men who had asked themselves, and God for that matter, the deeper questions of life and faith.  Men who are in a consistent spirit of growth and movement towards each other and to God.  Men who are trying as valiantly as I am to live life in the model of God-with-us, Jesus Christ and sometimes doing a horrible job at it.  It was deeply affirming and when I received a blessing from one of the Fathers who spent the entire week from us, I felt closer to understanding my own ontological "calling" from God to pursue the establishment of authentic, honest communities like this one amidst the world.   

I encourage all those reading this now to another spiritual discipline: pilgrimage.  Take a journey to St. Gregory's in Shawnee, Oklahoma (outside of Oklahoma City) on the grounds of St. Gregory's University. To engage in a deep experience of this nature one must flee the world for a little while and re-train their hearts, bodies, and minds to the rhythm of monastic life.

Thanks to Dr. Frederick Schmidt, David Whidden, Father Charles Buckley O.S.B, Brother Kevin, Brother Isidore, Brother George, and the entire monastic community at St. Gregory's.  Also, thanks to my fellow classmates, those women and men that took this journey into the wilderness and back with me this past week.    

For a much more detailed account of the week, visit http://leannelindgren.wordpress.com, the blog of fellow classmate Leanne Lindgren at a certain other blog site. 

Evil, Suffering, Death, and Afterlife in the NT

“Something is over. In the deepest levels of my existence something is finished, done.  

My life is divided into before and after.” 

Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son

"Vere tu es Deus absconditus: Truly you are a hidden God."

-Blaise Pascal

Taking three weeks to look at how Scripture handles the ONE thing that I most fear; death, was an interesting prospect to begin with.  It was an emotional and theological roller coaster but one that I definitely came out of the other end enjoying. The class was